“I don’t order soy milk because I’m bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn’t blast fire for 4 hours.”
Demit Strato is a 28-year-old New Yorker who, like many of us, enjoys a nice iced coffee from time to time.
However, he has a problem. He found out about four years ago he is lactose intolerant, so his coffees can become catastrophic if he doesn’t put in non-dairy milk.
Even worse, Strato told BuzzFeed News his non-dairy requests are sometimes not honored. Leading, he said, to VERY BAD THINGS.
“I've been going to coffee shops for a decade and it's happened more times than I can count,” he said.
He said he would estimate about one in every 50 times he gets coffee, he has — let's just say — stomach issues.
“I'll get some cross contamination or just straight up regular milk,” he said.
This month, Strato claims it happened twice. While bored on the toilet from one of these ~incidents~ this week, he decided to publicly appeal to Starbucks about his woes.
This is the second time I ordered a Venti Iced Coffe with Soy Milk this month where the Soy Milk request was ignored and regular milk was instead used. I've pooped 11 times since the A.M. My bottom hurts from all the wiping. Do you think I enjoy soy milk? Does anyone enjoy soy milk? Really? I don't order soy mill because I'm bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesnt blast fire for 4 hours. I'm not a Charmander. Thank you for listening to my rant.
P.S. I'm writing this from the comfort OF MY TOILET.